Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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