i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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