I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
