new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
