Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
