whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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