You're completely useless in the revolution.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
