You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
