apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
