chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
