and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize