I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
