Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
