saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
