your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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