So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
