I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just cropdusted the office
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
