No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
