Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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