Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
