She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
