I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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