well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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