It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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