dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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