just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
