also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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