guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize