She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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