Tell her she can't have a vagina
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
