True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize