im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
