I'm going to jail i love you
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
