im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
