it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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