We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
