May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
