I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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