And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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