great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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