i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
