I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
bring money and cleavage
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
