Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
