I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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