Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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