he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
