you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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