My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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