too bad you live with your parents still
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We are two peas in an std pod
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
