its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
