Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
