ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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