chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
how does that bad decision feel?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
