Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
MIDGETS
????
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
