And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
