I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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