All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
wanna go halves on a baby?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
