I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize