You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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