if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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