I am puke
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
