Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
