Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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