Where is the hickey?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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