i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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