I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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