Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
