There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
