Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
