I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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