how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
